THINGS I WANT:

CD - Toots and the Maytals: Funky Kingston/In the Dark.    Amazon - 10.00$
Book - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.    Amazon - 10.00$
Book - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland 1865 printing.   Amazon -  57.00$

I love libba bray. I really do. And i love her books, which are better than most of the things i've read in my whole life. I wish it wasn't just a triology. it makes me so sad to think that after i read The Sweet Far Thing for the 19th time, i won't have a different book to go on to.

Which, that's the number i'm on, btw. nineteen. I've read A Great And Terrible Beauty 28 times. i love that book.

ANYWAYS, BESIDES MY OBVIOUS AFFECTION FOR VITCTORIAN MAGIC THINGS.

Progress reports come home monday, and i'm slightly worried about my french and math grades. i know french should be like, 78? 79? which means my mother will have a fit. but i don't know anything about math, which is bad, because i don't get to prepare myself.

[wait, i'm sorry, i have to say one more thing about my obvious affection for victorian magic things]

You know how i've always loved theatre, right? Well, i've recently discovered that i want to grow up and be a director. With all of my writing, i see it, what's happening, so clearly. I see things play out in my head, the colors, the lighting, the sound effects. Ohh i want to be a director so bad. OR, YOU KNOW, BEING A PART OF A GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEAUTY WOULD BE THE NEXT BEST THING, BUT SEEING AS THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

anyways. seriously, now, enough of my affection for victorian magic things.

actually, wait, no, i have to go clean.

emma

EDIT: I JUST REALIZED. I COULD BE MADAME LeFARGE. SHE'S PLUMP, RIGHT? I'M PLUMP. AS PLUMP AS A PLUM. AND I SPEAK FRENCH. VERY WELL. THE ONLY REASON I HAVE A 78 IN FRENCH RIGHT NOW IS BEACUSE I DIDNT KNOW YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CONJUGATE THE SECOND VERB.
I PROMISE. I COULD BE MADAME LeFARGE, COMPLETELY AND CONSISTANTLY. I CAN EVEN DO A POSH ENGLISH VOICE.

one-hundred point five live is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You should check it out - live1005online.com
best thing ever, i promise. it will completely change your view on radio stations, if, in fact, your view of them is that they're horrible. 9/10 times you will like their songs.

/end of advertisement
Anyways, i've got this horrible cold shit going on. It's like a sinus infection/headache and I've coughed so many timtes that my throat has like, EXPLODED and bleeds every time i cough. And i keep sniffing. And everyone thought I was crying during the Star Spangled Banner movie thing during American History class, but no, i promise, I was just sniffing. I, unlike my aunt, do not cry when i hear the star spangled banner.

It's strange when your aunt has a facebook, you find out strange things.

I probably should go visit my grandmother this afternoon after school, but i'm sick. But i miss her, she should not be in the hospital without me.

AND on top of all that, my mother is going to get scanned for Liver cancer today. Liver Cancer is fatal 98% of the time.

Never will I ever complete number three on my list.

The first seven (7) people to respond to this post will get something made by me. First 7 only. (which is funny, because only two people respond to my posts on a half-regular basis.)

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year (2009).
- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a mix CD. It may be a poem. I may draw or paint something. I might bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to make something extremely strange.
- I reserve the right to make something for your kid(s) instead of you.

The catch? As before, the catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well, if you expect me to do something for you!

PRESENTS FOR YOU:

#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7

THIS POST HAS BEEN DELETED BECAUSE EMMA REALIZES HOW SILLY SHE WAS BEING.

The best way to get people to listen to you is with a hand grenade.

I like to think that I've been doing number one on my list for a long, long time. and here's number two:

to Whom It May Concern:

I ate at subway today, and had a very good sandwich with my mother. When I finished I got up, picked up my trash, and threw away approximately a half of a tree, or so it seemed like at the moment. When I realized how many recyclable items I had just thrown away, my heart sank. Now, as we know, the world is far from perfect and we can't very well recycle and reuse everything because we're far too concerned with convenience. But sir or madam, do you know how much good Subway could do by replacing the two trashcans in the front of the restaurant with two separate bins for plastic and paper? I'm pretty certain over 80% of Subway's waste is either plastic or paper, you have the paper wrappings for the sandwiches, the plastic bag, the paper cups, the plastic lids and straws, the paper napkins. Plastic gloves. So much waste. Until today, I haven't eaten at Subway in over two years. If Subway made these improvements, I would eat there every chance I got. Do you realize the good you would be doing for the world? How many new marketing campaigns would open up for you? Imagine: SUBWAY GOES GREEN. It's almost an oxymoron, right now.

I almost didn't send this in this fashion, because I'm very afraid it won't even be read. Please prove me wrong. Please let me know that my voice has been heard.

Emma Roberts

I sent it to them moments ago, and as soon as I find a way to reach the big man in charge, I'll be sending it by mail to him too.

How to Save The World:

- Look around you. Start noticing ways each day that you can save, reuse, recycle, help, give, and enjoy.
- Send letters to Subway showing them how much waste they produce. Show them how much of their waste is paper and plastic. (95%, easy.) Show them that by replacing their two trashcans by the doors with a paper bin and a plastic bin and recycling the contents they would be doing so, so much good for the world. So much good.
- Start with yourself. Make yourself happy. And in turn, make others happy.
- eat chocolate. Eat an ass load of chocolate. it will make you so happy.
- run before you eat that chocolate. It'll raise endorphins and then the caffeine in the chocolate will replace the energy used, and you'll get up and do things.
- Pay for the guy in the car behind you. Be sure to watch his face in the mirror.
- Remember that school isn't much, that money is hardly nothing, and that you are almost everything.

Well, yesterday, I finally cleaned up my room. I'm really proud of it. I cleaned out my closet and bookshelves and dresser and this morning I took EIGHT BAGS OF TRASH (five bags of clothes, one of actual trash, one of shoes, and of my aunt's clothes that she gave me to use for fabric, but they smell bad so i don't want them.) to the dumpster. I then went to get my mother her sunday newspaper, and went to fill up my baby. My car, that is. Gas is 1.47! which is great, but it was 1.32 yesterday, and I just want to know how the hell it went up that far that fast. I should've gotten gas yesterday. but oh well.

So, i think me and a friend are having a fight. Well, not really a fight, it's just that i don't want to speak to her or know her anymore. I'm sick of her treating me like shit, and we haven't talked all break, which is kind of sad because once upon a time we were best friends and she was the first person i told anything, but now i'm at a loss because I think about my 'friends' at school, and i realize that i don't have a best friend, or any real friends that I actually care about. I moved from school to school so much in my life and I've done this before, and each time this happens I'm just like 'oh well, i'll just change schools again and everyone there will be better than everyone here' but the thing is i'm a sophmore now, i'm at my dream school. it's just there people there that suck.

i wish i had been born as someone else, someone happier.

So, coming back to livejournal is a resolution. I've got plenty of resolutions. In fact, here's a list of sort-of resolutions i made on new year's eve. I've found that i can never express myself verbally when i need to, so i've started writing these things down. While any of them may not ever actually be said to the person they're meant to be said to, at least they're written down somewhere.

--

I can’t believe it, how dare you make me think less of myself. I hate you for this, I hate how you treat me. I hate how you’ve gotten me to treat myself the same way. I hope I’m better than you.

I really wish we weren’t so wasteful. I want to fix the world. I want to give it a big bandage. I want the polar bears back and clear air outside my window. I want all cars to get 70+ miles per gallon, because 7 is a nice number. I want the world to see the good in itself, I want to bring back trees and neighbors and family picnics. Most of the time I feel so pathetic. I won’t ever do anything for the world.

I want to be little again, I want my Dad to love me again and I don’t want to see my Mother like this. I hate knowing who she is, I want my Mom back.


I can’t stand horror movies, please don’t make me watch them.

I want kids so bad. I want so many, I have so much love to give and no one will have it.

I’m afraid I broke your heart, and if I did I’m sorry. I didn’t like you and you said ridiculous things like my mother, but I’m sorry if I broke your heart. Please forgive me. I’d like to come back, if you’ll take me. I just didn’t think you were sincere. I’m sorry, I should have told you that I don’t trust people easily. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. This time I won’t tear up your post cards from Mexico, and I won’t tell my mother. We can meet in any library you want, my phone number is still the same.

Caroline, please come back to me, wherever you are, whoever you are. You’re the best friend I’ve always imagined, and I think I need you now.

I’m coming back to you because I still have more to say. Please don’t hurt me any more. Please choose, wait, no, don’t choose, you can’t tell someone to choose something like this. But if you can, please choose me. No one else has. I’m always afraid they never will. I promise to forget the past.

--

Some of them sound insane, but hey, it was three in the morning, what do you expect from me?

Okay, so i might just be freaking out a little bit, but only a little.
But i think i have the right to. I've just driven on the highway for the first time.